All that it really takes sometimes, is a blink of an eye for a change to appear in our lives!
Good and bad, both the same.
5:30 pm, August 13, 2014
I had just reached my room after the hectic schedule of 8-5 and I hurriedly threw myself into bed.
And just when I did that, I felt a very strange feeling of pain in my abdomen perhaps as though it’s being stabbed repeatedly.
It made me forget the entire day’s work and I remember holding my stomach with one hand and trying to stop the already formed tears with the other.
The pain was becoming intense and my strategy then was to bear it for as long as I could…
I was sobbing and crying already under the sheets but suddenly it turned into a loud shriek, people noticed and an ambulance was called immediately.
“You guys eat loads of unhygienic street food and waste our time by coming here in the emergency ward and creating hell out of nothing” the lady doctor had said with a rude tone in her voice.
I remember they gave me 5 injections back to back, patted my back and asked me to go away telling that it will be fine.
I was feeling weak and painful, the next day and the day after and for 8 more days too, that was when I finally gave in to the symptoms and went to see a good doctor in Bangalore.
Complete Blood Checkup, Kidney, Lungs, Liver, Uterus, Head, Limbs, Toes and everything else was thoroughly examined for 15 long days in Apollo at the end of which I was declared to be ‘completely fine.’
I will not tell you the series of events that happened in the days that followed but I will tell you that I wish it would have never happened, neither with me nor with anyone else in the world.
I wish that those doctors were really true in saying that I was completely fine;
Except that they weren’t!
Shortly after I rejoined college, I began experiencing other pain symptoms much more intense and throbbing than the previous one and the saddest part was that, IT NEVER WENT AWAY!
With a resolution to get back to my normal happy life, where I could walk and eat and study and sleep and laugh and talk as I wanted to;
I moved from one doctor to the other..
One packet of painkillers to the other..
One health website to the other…
One pain injection to the other..
One disappointment to another…
I kept wiping my tears and going ahead until one day I came across this strange unpronounceable word spelled as Fibromyalgia!
It almost matched every symptom that I was experiencing then and upon researching a little more I knew that this was it!
I knew that it was never just in my head and I knew for sure that they were all wrong!
Fibromyalgia is a rare, invisible and so far incurable musculoskeletal disease characterised by widespread muscle pain, fatigue, migraine, insomnia, depression and 100 other symptoms experienced by the patient 24*7.
And ever since that day, I set myself on an expedition to meet every doctor, take every medicine, every therapy and do anything that it demands from me to get back my good old pain free days!
From taking every medicine and therapy no matter how painful to travelling while being severely sick, from tutoring to combat the financial difficulties to praying hard each day, from resisting the suicidal thoughts to being my own doctor, from undergoing emotional and physical abuse to going from a 47 kg normal body to an overweight 65 kg, from being a topper to being a repeater, from being happy and active to being a bed ridden bundle of sadness, from being family’s pride to being a reason for their stress, from being full of life to feeling lifeless, from being ambitious to feeling like death each second…
I have indeed seen worst of many things already at just the age of 23 but I dare say, the worst is yet not here.
People, I am not physically or emotionally weak, I don’t want you to sympathize with me or tell me that it will all pass, my sole aim in writing a part of my story is to show you that it’s a beautiful life, cherish it, live, be grateful for all that you have and for all that you can do.
There are certain conditions like mine and some even worst in which, however hard we try we can’t get to be as capable as you are.
As I am writing these lines, there are tears rolling down my face, I have never said this before but I feel helpless, I feel pain in every inch of my body as if it’s being ripped apart with a knife and a hammer!
Mostly, women have fibromyalgia and they also are blessed with menstrual pain for an entire week every month.
(So what, if I am a girl and I talk about menstrual pain publicly?
It’s a natural process and there is nothing to feel ashamed or shy about it!)
You might have heard they take pills, to subside the pain during periods and even then it’s so very difficult for them, fibromyalgia by itself is a debilitating pain condition and each month when I bleed, I feel so near to death, lifeless and teary-eyed.
Learn to appreciate what you have, stop complaining and losing your mind over a breakup, or a bad day at work or a tiny accident or at the loss of a job or a loved one;
For all these things are repairable and replaceable unlike one’s own health once lost.
Gratitude, kindness, love and compassion, learn to inculcate them in your life.
I am a warrior for all I know, I will keep going on because even when I am suffering, I see light in the end of the tunnel.
Love and Regards 🤗
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Until next time, take care and be grateful!