The suicide that I will never forget in my life!

What’s gone is gone, they say;

“Now, mind your own business, and stop overthinking about the past that you can’t change.”

That’s what people told me when a week back, I was informed about the death of my very good friend who was more like a little brother to me than anything else.

I was shocked and restless when one of our mutual friends, messaged me late in the afternoon of 1st May, telling Malay has just died!

I found myself unable to breath or think for a few seconds, I couldn’t believe or rather I didn’t want to, that this boy right here in the picture, who was an Android developer at Google, a renowned Youtuber, an ethical hacker, a contemporary dancer, state level chess champion and many more things;

I can’t see him ever again, his life has just ended in the most painful way ever possible!

A man of values and wisdom, a man who believed in his good deeds, humanity and that we should never blame the system for every wrong thing happening around!

He was a selfless giver and yes he had achieved all of what the most brilliant IITian in India expects out of himself after succesfully graduating, say at the age of 22, usually!

What made him kill himself, is what you ask?

Before you accuse him of being weak-hearted, coward, stupid or mad which I believe you’d have already done, let me tell you he was none of them.

He was the most strong, confident, intelligent, kind and generous person I have ever met in my life;
Yes even stronger than me!

But again, why did he die afterall?

To know that, you need to first learn who he was and where I met him.

I was admitted in, NIMHANS Bangalore for a period of 15 days because the doctors wanted to keep me under their care and get me tested for the possibility of any disease other than Fibromyalgia.

And that’s where I met Malay, the 19 year old, who was also admitted in the same wing as mine, but for the treatment of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

For those of you who don’t know or who don’t consider mental health as something which needs our attention and care, let me tell you that OCD is the same disorder in which a person looks for perfection in everything that he does, it includes, keeping every tiny thing clean, doing every task with utmost care and feeling uncomfortable when things are clumsy or imperfect.

He was suffering from this Illness from last 3 years, that means when he was just 16, and still he was extremely positive and was admitted for 5 straight months without a day of break under the care of his father, who is a Chief Executive Engineer in Jabalpur, Indian Railways.

With a loving father, the most amazing doctors available in Asia and so much talent, what made him feel so helpless and unworthy that he ended up killing himself one evening, from the 4th floor of a public building located in the city of Jabalpur, Madhya Pradesh?

Can you think of any reason yet?

From all that I told you about him and his family, it’s clear that they were not to be blamed!

Who was the culprit then?

What if I tell it’s you?

Yes, the one who is reading this!


Why are you, someone who is no way related to this boy, being involved as a reason for his suicide?

Okay, let’s see what all of us who is supposed to support him in his illness to come out of it and live happy, actually do in cases like his!

Eww… He is having some kind of mental disease for name sake!

His screws in the head aren’t all right, afterall!

He is 18 and not yet done with class 12th, what a loser!

He was the topper, that champ who won the state level chess competition and look at him now, his poor father running after hospitals to cure him of some kind of mental disease, how shameful is that!

He must have surely been into some kind of addiction that his family is trying to hide!

And look, a son of the famous railway officer, such a disgust to him!

Such a mindless stupid lazy good-for-nothing fellow!

Am I exaggerating and probably that’s not how bad you think we are?

Here is a proof, have a look!

Did you notice how, media didn’t even feel the need of confirming what he was upto and stated he was badly into addiction and was discharged from a de-addiction centre, which is ofcourse a complete non-sense!

And so are we, just like what media does, we try to derive gossip from anything and everything, happening around, no matter how sensitive it may be!

All we do is pull each other’s leg, which ultimately makes the victim feel less of themselves.

Same happened in Malay’s case too, his friends from school, his relatives, his acquaintances and look even us, we all judge people so quickly and so mindlessly that we don’t even realise how those silly act of ours, many a times leads to serious complications like Malay’s death in the present context.

He probably was filled upto the brim with false accusations, misjudgements, people abandoning him because they thought there’s something wrong with him;

So much so that a sensible and strong lad like him decided to end his life, in lack of emotional support in the form of a friend or a well-wisher!

The bottom line is, if you can’t make someone’s day better by your kind acts, please mind your own business and stop talking ill of others without knowing all about him.

If you really care about someone around you, please take some time out, go visit them, ask them how they feel like, provide them with whatever they truly need and keep your mouth shut for god’s sake!

The world is already cursed with enough miseries and cruelty, let us not make it worst, if not better!

At last, here’s a message from the grieving parents of my brave and strong friend, Late Malay Pandey;

May you find the world above, better than this one, which couldn’t help you stay alive.
With Lots of Love and Hugs
– Aditi and all those friends you made in the wonderful place called NIMHANS!


If you are undergoing any kind of mental pressure, depression or something which is killing you from inside and you aren’t able to do anything about it, please talk about it with your parents, friends or meet a psychiatrist if you can.

In case if you are too demotivated to be able to do any of that, there are these wonderful online apps such as Your Dost, AASRA, Seraniti, Connecting and different foundations such as BetterLyf and Vandervala who can prove to be helpful as well.

Stay strong and reach out to people, they are more kind and helpful than you believe they are!

If you liked the post, please leave a comment below, reading your comments is the best part of writing everything down for you, it indeed makes my day.

Also, a kind gesture of donation through the Buy me a Coffee Button will help me keep the good work going.

You will find the Button when you scroll down if you are on a mobile phone.

Or on the mid-right of the website if you are on a laptop/computer.