When I was betrayed at the railway station!

Lately with the onset of summer in India, my body is having a tough time while managing to live with the pain flare-up;(Hot weather + Traveling) usually takes a toll on someone having Fibromyalgia.

I have grown to be very accepting of my chronic pain syndrome and I very well know that Fibromyalgia is a progressive disease, meaning it worsens over time, but what just happened a couple of days ago has left me wondering about my future.

“Aditi, for the downfall of us bookshop owners what’s most responsible is obviously social media and the rail-wire wifi to fuel that, when people are spending their time to scroll through Facebook and Instagram while waiting for their trains, who would even look at the good old bookstores?”

“Then with just 10% of each book sold and as you say you sell hardly 10 books in a day, how do you survive, how does Railways survive?” my curiosity leapt in..

Mr. Rajesh and me at the good old bookstore.

“Not everything is done for the sake of business and money, some things just exist for it’s mere value to the world and books are one of those things” said Mr. Rajesh, the bookstore owner at Warangal Railway Station.

I just smiled and nodded with the appreciation that I had for him and this neglected but still alive bookstore, and that’s when the announcement started blaring out of all the speakers at the station, they had made a last minute change to the platform number on which my train was to pull in.

Mr. Rajesh asked me to hurry up and take the escalator, thank God it exists at least in some public places, for people with physical limitations it’s extremely painful to climb those stairs by their own.

I was traveling alone to Itarsi to see a bestie after long, the train that I was supposed to catch was entering platform no. 2 resulting from a last minute change as I said!

I did not have any idea when it happened but I suddenly realised my left knee joint was clicking and swinging both ways when I was trying to drag my trolley with one hand and a bag in another.

The whistle of soon approaching train and my knee joint betraying my trust, I hardly managed to board one of the coaches, dragged both my left leg and the trolley to my own coach and seat number, set my luggage under the seat and soon after broke into tears. I did not know what to make of the experience.

Will I have to stop traveling by my own?My whole life revolves around solo traveling, I derive a sense of being while traveling alone, is this an end to that aspiration as well?I did not know what to tell myself to console!

With many pair of eyes starting at a totally strange looking girl with almost no hair on her head and seeing her crying, made me even more uncomfortable!

I undid my shoes, laid down on the lower berth, covered myself and cried some more.

I wept and wept until I was lulled into sleep just like I used to when I was a little girl only now that I didn’t want a new toy or a new dress.

Sadly, what I wanted were seemingly impossible things, a healthy body for myself or at least a cure for whatever it is that my body is having to suffer from.HOPE is the best of things they say, I guess I can’t agree more.

I have nothing but hope to go on and oh some books, for they are the dreams that I feel I can still pursue, but who knows?

Life is unpredictable, dramatic, painful, unjust but beautiful anyways.

One step carefully put in front of another, with the help of the same knee that betrayed me when I needed it the most, I am still crawling my way through!

I don’t know the answers to all my whys and hows and whens but I know that I can’t let this cruelty win over me.

The friend, whom I have come to see.

For all I know I will keep moving ahead, with my head held high, one day I strive to win, prove to myself and the world that good intentions can win over anything in life.

Till then, let’s just pray and live. 🌷🌷
Strength and Love ❤️💜

Footnote

Calm Insights is my own way of voicing thousands of people who undergo pain and have absolutely no support system from doctor’s or otherwise.

I am still educating myself on possible options for relief in pain while also trying different set of medicines, nutrient supplements etc.

If you want to support me through my journey, you can do so by buying me a coffee through the yellow button down below or through other options mentioned below the button, just scroll down and you will find them.Thank you people!

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